Home at Last!

I have never been so glad to be home as I was last night.  For those of you anxiously awaiting news, please understand that I had anticipated being home by 9 am and therefore busily updating this blog by 9:30!  That being the case, I sent my computer home with JR Sunday night.  Then, as often happens with carefully laid plans, they got postponed indefinitely.  JR came home on Sunday night to get the house ready for Keira's arrival, leaving her and me at the hospital waiting for discharge papers in the morning.  We had decided to keep Keira in the room with us so that I could keep up with the breast feeding schedule.  As many of you know, when Keira was inside, her peak active hours were from about 9 pm to 2 am.  That's when the barrel rolls and elbow jabs would begin.  Not much has changed.  I had her solo from about 8 pm until 4 am, and in that time I came to realize just how thankful I am not to be doing this alone.  I was pretty much feeding, burping, and rocking in 2 hour cycles and about 10 minutes after I put her down, she was ready to go again.  Did I mention that she was feeding for 45 minute stretches of time?  OUCH! I wasn't sure that she was even getting anything because my milk hadn't come in.  Talk about frustrating!  The few catnaps I did manage to grab did nothing to recharge me and the constant activity was draining.  Around 4 my nurse came in to check on me, saw my dilemma, convinced me that she could take the baby to the nursery so I could take a quick nap.  God Bless her!  I managed to sleep for 3 1/2 hours, before facing a truly atrocious day.  They talk about the third day let down, when your happy hormones desert you.  The fact that my breakfast tray didn't have the toast I ordered was enough to set my off on a sobbing binge that I really could not control.  I called J.R. and asked him to come back to the hospital sooner than he planned because I just wasn't sure I could handle anything more.  My nurse was very reassuring though and told me that the same hormones that set off the tears also help your milk come in, so they do have a plus side.  Just as I was gearing myself up to go home, they came and said that they had to test her bilirubin levels again.  I thought, ok, I'll get checked out when the doctors change shift at 9, she'll get her labs done, home by 12.  Well, the doctor who had to check me out was due on rounds until between 1 and 2pm, but had a late appointment and didn't make it in to see me until 4.  Not that anyone thought to tell us this.  Oh, and her bilirubin test was still high so we needed to stay and have it redrawn at 3 pm.  What you may not know, and what we did not know was that the bilirubin levels that they were testing were signs of jaundice, a fact that again no one seemed to find relevant to mention until late in the afternoon.  Her 3 o'clock test showed that her bilirubin levels had risen, and then the doctor had to decide what to do.  That's all we were told, no talk of options or possibilities.  Just the staff doctor is making a decision.  Then it was, she had to talk to another doctor before she can make the decision.  At this point, I am frantic because I want to go home, my breasts hurt like hell, my baby is sick, and the fact that she is breast feeding may be making her condition worse.  Not to mention that I have been sitting alone in this hospital room all day long waiting for someone to tell me what the hell is going on.  Have I adequately conveyed how crappy the day was shaping up?  Oh, and don't forget that I still have no control over my tear ducts and I am welling up every time I think about what is happening around me.  Finally, the doctor from my practice came in and signed my discharge papers (without even examining me).  I thought we were in the clear.  The decision that the doctor was trying to make was whether or not to keep us there another night & day with Keira under the lamps, or if she could come home with us using a bili-blanket.  Luckily, they were able to find someone to deliver and set up a bili-blanket for us out at the house and we were able to go home.  We came home to a wonderful meal set up by my parents and got our little girl situated in her new home.  She has had to wear the wrap around her middle since she got home, which plugs in to this light box.  It helps break down the bilirubin just like sunlight would, but she needs to wear it all the time.  So now I feel like I have a Matrix baby.  She has this thick cord coming out of her onesie and is connected to this battery pack we have to lug around as we go from room to room.  Did I mention she glows in the dark too?  It's a little spooky...On the plus side, she is her own nightlight!  We took her in to see our new pediatrician this morning and they re-drew her blood for another test.  We should know the results tomorrow, but she said that she could already see where the bili-blanket was working.  So hopefully we are in the clear as the blanket keeps working over the next few days.  She took a cat nap in her bassinet in the puppies' favorite spot, the ray of sun that comes in the back door, just for some added sunlight.  I know this post sounds awful whiny and frustrated, but it had to come out.  I also want to be clear that we have truly been blessed with a wonderful child.  She has put up with all of these tests and her inexperienced, over emotional momma, and is just amazing.  She loves to cuddle against our chests and she smells so sweet.  Her skull needs to firm up soon, or else she will have a permanent kiss mark pressed into the top of her head.  When I am done feeding her, there is nothing better than the feeling of her drifting off to sleep in my arms.  It makes all the crappy feelings fade away and seem insignificant compared to the warm, fuzzy, love that just floods your system.  That being said, she just woke up and is hungry, surprise, surprise.  Gotta go feed my girl!  And don't get antsy if I don't post an update in the next few days.  I have a feeling the exhaustion is going to catch up with me soon...